Last night my parents came over and we celebrated my Dad's 70th birthday, and my mom's 68th.
The celebration was muted, certainly, and at the end of the meal I cried into what was left of my salad.
The decision on when to cremate my grandmother's body is upon us, and there was some uncertainty about whether or not I wanted to see her body before they did it.
It's so irrational, but there's a part of me that wants to rush over there and see her in a sherbet-green cardigan, sitting in her wheelchair and telling the guy who cremates people, "Oh, you're so beautiful! I love the way you stand so straight!"
People call to talk or I see the checker at Target and I don't really have anything to say. Usually it's me striking up the conversation, handing out a "how do you do" and "let's have lunch", but right now I've got absolutely nothing.
Bone dry.
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3 comments:
Prayers and hugs friend!!!
My deepest sympathy to you and your family, Rach!
And it's very OK to be bone dry...just please allow others to pour themselves into you for awhile, so you can soak up the love that they now want to be able to give back to you. What an amazing legacy your grandma has left you! And, because that will naturally flow through you, Lucy, Asher, and Phoebe will continue to pass it on to the generations to follow! My prayers will continue to be with you in the time ahead!
Because you are grieving and it takes time.
Because you loved her deeply it will take time.
Because your heart has been broke give yourself time.
One day at a time my friend.
Be good to yourself.
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