Friday, January 4, 2013

Mexican drug cartels can ruin a vacation if you let them

my friend Shana. the best gloves EVER. read her blog and you will snort. promise.
Last night Lucy was reading me her Christmas book from her teacher and I was sniffing her delicious little pre-tween head and I thought to myself, "This would be a really cute picture for Instagram! I wonder where my iPod is?" and then I reminded myself to live in the moment and I didn't need to take a photograph of everything, and that's just one less damn bell to answer as Burt Bacharach says:

The last month of 2012 was a stretcher for me. I had some conversations that were hard for me; I stood up for myself in new ways that I never had tried before, and I felt a little bit more self-assurance seeping into, well, myself.

I had an epiphany a few days ago that my people-pleasing ways are ending because

1. I have four kids and don't have the energy I used to to aquiesce to outsider's demands and

2. I don't want my kids learning my behavior and

3. I just don't care as much as I used to and,

3a. I don't need to apologize for someone else's discomfort or annoyance with's OK for them to be uncomfortable...(yes, it took me 33 years to figure this out)

4. the BIG one, PEOPLE-PLEASING IS ACTUALLY A FORM OF PRIDE. Yes, you heard that right. Pleasing other people/making them happy is my attempt at control, or controlling what others think of me. Sounds silly, right? It is. I can not control what someone thinks of me, and I have finally gotten to the point in life where I will just live with the anxiety that someone could be upset and let it dissipate.

5. Being my friend is a privelege. Didn't you know? I don't have to grovel or put up with bad behavior on the part of others in order to keep flailing friendships.

Yes. this is  all new to me. Sort of sad.

My anxiety is generally very high after I have a run-in with someone (or what I perceive as a run-in; usually it's just me expressing my point of view or telling someone what I can or cannot do - or maybe it's me just offering to buy them Donuts and I'm totally off base), and sitting there with it is hard.

The more often I just speak my mind and cut someone off at the pass the less often I am feeling the anxiety.

So, that is what I have been working on lately.

I've lost 3 pounds! I will post a picture soon. I'm sure you are just dying for it! I also have no teeth because I used all of my Weight Watchers points on Christmas candy. I bought a winter coat today at Target that I can't zip up properly. It's a men's size Small but a girl can dream.

Scott and I are going to go somewhere tropical for our TENTH anniversary in March. I can hardly wait! Any suggestions, places to look? the caveats are:

1. Scott is afraid of the water in other countries
2. Scott does not want to be abducted by a Mexican drug cartel and shot in the head and left for dead in the desert

3. Scott is cheap

Do you know that sometimes when I am watching a show I will randomly Google the character's name and "stillborn baby" or "pancreatic cancer"?

Is that weird?

Sometimes I just want those dumb shows to understand that real life actually happens, not just to...well, people in real life. I am pleased when I get a "hit" and I feel justified in continuing to watch the show.

I am off to get the older kids ready for AN OVERNIGHT WITH THE GRANDPARENTS! We will sit and drink wine and watch Army Wives and make fun of Roland and his one-dimensional personality, and also feel sorry for the penis-less men who have to return every week to tape more of a bad show...that we apparently can't stop watching because we are on season 4.


gorillabuns said...

I'm afraid of the Mexican Cartel as well. and the sun. I suggest somewhere well, slightly sunny and not too crowded. I don't like people as well.

Proud of you and standing up for yourself. I too have come to the realization: I don't have to please everyone all the time especially at the expense of myself. Something I've done far too much of in this lifetime.

Heather said...

Go on a cruise! We just got back from through Norwegian Cruise Line. Best vacation of my entire life!

Jess said...

Turks and Caicos - supposed to be wonderful, we are maybe taking a couples trip there this spring.

My priest gave a really powerful and short homily earlier this week about how pride is death to the spiritual life. Less of me, more of Him. It is hard, isn't it? I totally get what you are saying. I am so co-dependent I feel uncomfortable watching sitcoms sometimes!!! I do not do well with "run ins" either. Sometimes it is good to worry about how others are affected and feel about you and your behavior and other times it is unhealthy. It really is a hard balance to achieve.

Also, Jen Fulwiler, my friend, is pregnant and in the hospital with pulmonary embolisms in both lungs. I found her blog through you many, many, many years ago. Please says prayers for her and the baby, I'm so very worried about them both.

Sanctus said...

Turks and Caicos or Costa Rica...look into doing an all-inclusive resort like Sandles or something

Anonymous said...

So glad your getting away:) Doug somehow talked me down from Hawaii to Eureka Springs for our tenth, but we had a blast. I think the cruise is a great idea if you don't get motion sick. It's a perfect trip to take a break from having to make continuous decisions and just kick back.

Inkling said...

I'd suggest Hawaii, but that's not cheap when you're flying from where you live. And while it's not super tropical, it is warm and there are beaches and fun.......I'm in love with the Gulf coast of Alabama near the Fort Morgan area. We rented a house there for my folks' 40th for all of us and had a blast. And considering how cheap (read poor) all of us siblings are, it's doable. The only bummer of a deal is that I heard there was another oil spill in the area, so you'd want to read up on that first to find out if the beach would be all cruddy. The upside of the deal is that Andy Andrews' Heart Mender book is set right in that area, and that makes me want to go back and dig for treasure left by Nazis who apparently came on shore during WW2.

As for what you are writing......geez, maybe I should just have you come do your anniversary thingy in BC so I could hire you to provide counseling and mentoring in the same topic. =) I so need that. I'm learning at the moment via experience, but have no idea if what I'm doing is healthy or not. Guess we'll see if the person I'm practicing on listens and our relationship gets better. I totally need to hire you. But maybe not when you're supposed to be celebrating your tenth anniversary.

Just find somewhere that doesn't offer kids meals. =)

Expat Mom said...

Well, you could come to Guatemala. Antigua is pretty safe and there's bottled water everywhere. And it's cheap. ;) Though I like the idea of a cruise . . . wish we could do that for OUR 10th anniversary, which is in February.

Cole said...

I loved Sandles resort in Nassau! We just had our anniversary a couple of days ago and we love reliving that whole week in our minds. Wherever you go follow this one piece of advice and look for the word ALL INCLUSIVE!!! Be taken care of for a bit, you'll love it and have time to relax and just focus on each other!! :)