Thursday, November 29, 2012

Mommy lost my tooth, and other stories.

The last time I published was two weeks ago. I know you are all waiting with bated (baited?) breath to see what I will publish next.

I'm going to use ye old bullet points to let you know what I've been up to.

forgetting when, exactly, I last washed my hair. Sunday? 4 days? the night before our last marital foray, which was 72 years ago?  I think Laura Ingalls bathed every other fortnight, and only after Pa left his nasty muddy organic wastes in the bathtub, because the youngest kid bathes last on ye olde prairie. I also just tell people I'm trying that "no shampoo" thing because shampoo is evil and isn't fairly traded and not, of course, grown organically.

I don't know when I became 55 years old, but Pa Ingalls is officially hott.

not having time or energy to care whether or not people are mad at me, like me, want to marry me, etc.
This, my friends, is a relatively new accomplishment. A few years ago I was rear-ended at a stop light and got out of my car, APOLOGIZING TO THE PEOPLE WHO REAR-ENDED ME. I did not take down their insurance information because, "Oh, it's all right!" and then spent $4,000 at my chiropractor's office.  Scott told me that's why the chiro man looked at me with dollar signs in his eyes. Chiro man also told me he could "cause natural childbirth within 24 hours" when I was pregnant with Phoebe, and we all know how THAT WENT.

Feeling guilty for not exercising which in turns causes me to eat chocolate chip cookies.

putting Teapot in respite care, even though I didn't go on a trip. I knew it was time when a friend invited me, plane ticket paid for, to visit her on the West Coast and I cried when I got off the phone with her after hearing it wouldn't work out. I needed a break. When you're a foster parent you can randomly ask the social worker to find you someone else to care for the child because YOU ARE DONE TRYING TO CHASE HER DOWN EVERY 47 SECONDS AND YOU WANT TO SIT AND WATCH THREE HOURS OF 'THE OFFICE" WITH YOUR DIRTY SELF IN PEACE, DAMMIT! I pick her up tomorrow night and I must say that the break has been nice. I almost expect that little dentistry elf from "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" to come and tell me I've been naughty, and to bring her back along with some coal.

What am I even talking about? Do you know?

going to Costco and trying to avoid people I see there from my church. They always look freshly showered and I am too busy trying to decipher whether or not that stain on the front of me is animal, mineral or bread box (isn't that how 20 questions starts?)

sending out Christmas cards, because sending things in the mail makes me happy.

recycling day, and stuffing anything that could POSSIBLY be recycled into the bin. I know my neighbors love to watch this crazy broad taking single sheets of paper out to the recycle bin all morning.  There's a lady across the street who is 112 abut she's got nothing on me as far as being the busy-body goes. One of our neighbors got their car reposessed and I was on the cutting edge of that information.

I mixed the cloves in with the cinnamon JUST TO RECYCLE THE BOTTLE. Lucy asked, "Why does my oatmeal taste like farts?"and Scott told me he would stage an intervention if I kept combining the shampoo with the conditioner just to recycle the bottle.

Dunkin' Donuts
. I mock people who are addicted to Starbucks, but in reality, Dunkin' Donuts is Starbucks' white trash little sister.

Forgetting to play tooth fairy for Lucy, two nights in a row. She left the tooth fairy a very angry note:

note that the "darkness" on her face is labelled, because it is night time. At first I was under the impression that she was being wooed by Hamas.

So, in conclusion, I've been very busy, and therefore unable to answer your calls/scratch your back/change your diaper/make sure you are not washing your hair with conditioner and not shampoo/vacuum.

Any questions?

Thursday, November 15, 2012


Chick-fil-A invited us to try their Chicken Nugget tray.

If Chick-fil-A invites me to do anything, I'm game. Let's face it. I love Chick-fil-A. Here are the reasons why it wins over the local fast food joint, every time (bulleted, for your pleasure):

  • The super clean play place. I don't have to worry whether there are used hypodermic needles in the ball bit (there isn't a ball pit) or whether my 7 year old just contracted a now-extinct deadly disease thanks to the vomit in the kiddie slide.  
  • The girl who comes around and asks my tired, bedraggled self if I'd like refills on my Diet Dr. Pepper while my children fight over whose placemat is whose (yes, they provide placemats that stick to the table - AWESOME) and throw spit wads in her general direction. Still, she wears a smile.
  • The other hostess who CARRIED MY CAR SEAT OUT TO THE CAR when Phoebe was first born.
  • The Chick-fil-A employee training video that literally makes me cry every time I watch it.
  • The free mints (who doesn't love a free mint?).

Anyway, when we got them, the nuggets were cold and ready to be reheated. We picked them up at 11:45 AM, which means that the hordes were hungry. Even when the hordes are hungry, they're picky. When Asher asked me if he could have one on the way home, I was skeptical.

Asher breaking into some Costco apples he found in the trunk

makes my lips do a happy dance
super easy instructions

I threw one in the back seat, and..."Wow, Mom! This is good! It's not heated up any, but it's still good! Can I have more?"

The babies soon followed suit. Chicken nuggets were rolling out of the car as we drove - heck, they were probably coming out of the tail pipe.

I ate 5 of them by the time we got home, and promptly emailed Scott and told him, "Guess what we're having for dinner?"

We did indeed have them for dinner, and this time I actually followed the directions and heated them up.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

stock photo of the kids watching something cook

They were a HIT! Gone in 57 seconds, they were. I loved how easy the nuggets were to have with a tossed feta cheese salad, Strawberry compote, and tete a tete for dessert.

OK. Who the heck am I kidding? I served them with a jumbo bag of baby carrots, some apple slices, and nothing for dessert.


I guess what I'm trying to say to my 12 readers is that you should try Chick-fil-A's chicken nuggets. The nice guy who gives them to you will even offer to bring them out to your car. That's service! These are also great with the brownie tray and a big honkin' jug of lemonade for your neighborhood Christmas party.

I'm warning you, though, your neighbors might not ever leave.

So. Nuggets gone. Reheated VERY nicely after given to us cold at the restaurant. I highly recommend! YUM!

And, because you've read this long, you get to see a picture of me, just because my hair looks good here:

Moral of the story: Chick-fil-A nuggets make an amazing staple for a gourmet, or not-so-gourmet, meal.

The babies are playing with Play-Doh in the middle of the living room floor and I will not name names, but someone is squirting around with a bottle of water. I must go, but I leave you with this. If it doesn't make you think happy thoughts, I don't know what is wrong with you:

Monday, November 12, 2012

Will T-Bird be here for Thanksgiving?

We are 7 months and counting that T-Bird has been here.

To say that she is the easiest two year old I have ever met would be a lie, but to say that she isn't any fun would also be a lie.

She's just, well, very sassy and two years old. She is also incredibly sweet. On Halloween I emailed Scott and told him to GET HOME NOW (It was 4:13 pm). I was ready to pull my hair out. T-Bird (that's what we call her more than anything) was being extra sassy and leading Phoebe into sinning of all kinds - grabbing things she wasn't supposed to be grabbing in the kitchen, trying to sneak outside, and her favorite activity, removing her diaper/pull up.

She enjoys leading Phoebe in any and all of these activities.

I didn't even want to go trick-or-treating because she was irritating me so badly. Scott convinced me to go, and while we were sauntering down the street she started up singing, "Jesus Loves Me" in her adorable, tiny sweet little innocent Precious Moments doll voice. Scott commented, "She really does have two extremes, doesn't she!"

Whenever something is being handed out (food in the bread line, pajamas, hair combings), she always ALWAYS makes sure that Phoebe gets what she gets. "Need one for Fifi" is her most common phrase.

I must say that before she got here, in April, I did have a little bit too much time on my hands during the days. My kids are...pretty easy, as far as kids go. They're very laid back and pretty compliant - except for Lucy, but that's because she's 7 and going through her very first hormonal surge, according to Dr. Dobson.

Yesterday I had the worst parenting day ever and said things I knew I'd regret but she made me see red when she used some bath salts I was intending to use. I got rid of her four favorite toys. I am too easy on that kid, I tell you. Anyway. Dr. Dobson says she is going through the first of 76 hormonal surges, so I just let her cry in her bedroom for awhile.

Don't roll your eyes. I want to marry Dr. Dobson.

So, today I was at Costco (notice a trend?) and this adorable girl came up to me and said, "Rachel! I read your blog!"

It was super cool and fun. (omigosh, aren't you jealous you weren't there for a meeting of bff's) I read her blog, too! She lives 20 blocks away from me so we are going to hang out. Hello, new friend!

It goes without saying that everyone ends up with a cinnamon and sugar mustache after Costco. It also goes without saying that I see people I know. I had lunch with my neighbor and saw my OB, who also saved my life. I helped her pick out a coat. She was looking for a red one for her Secret Santa person but the one she held up was pink. She asked if it was red enough and I said, "Yes." I mean, the lady saved my life. I'm not going to argue.

I just called T0Bird's relative, the place she is hopefully (fingers crossed, people) going before her emancipation in 16 years. I said to Scott, "I wonder what she'll be like as a teenager!"

Scott said, "Well, we just might find out!"

and we both laughed.

If you do foster care, you are laughing, too.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

take heart

I was near tears last night as I read Facebook status updates and realized that we get to go through another four years of off-the-cliff spending hell (how could I ever run a household at a deficit? and we elect a leader who runs our country at one? We are stupid.) and more things coming at us like my money being forcibly taken from me to pay for the killing of unborn babies.

I never thought I'd see the day.

That said, I realized I needed to step. away. from. the. computer.

I started randomly spewing my thoughts on the Facebook pages of friends I love, and I realized I needed to just delete the Facebook account and get back into living my life.

The depression has gotten a TON better. I am feeling more like myself.

I had a conversation with Granny the other day - she and I were both crying. If you had told me 2 years ago when we started this entire process that I would be talking on the phone and in person to biological family of my foster placements, I would have told you you were crazy.

I was ardently against any sort of contact that wasn't supervised by a social worker, but I have since realized that I am strong enough to be Teapot's advocate as well as my own. It looks as though Teapot may be leaving us soon to live with her grandparents, so of course I want to have a good relationship with her grandparents so that it is a seamless transition for her.

I just mowed our lawn as well as part of our neighbor's. Four years ago at this moment in time I was finishing up painting the dining room in our old house. I suppose "losing" an election makes me antsy and I expend lots of my nervous energy.

What else do you want to know? I don't know what I want to say.

Maybe I just want to say that everything will be OK...that leaders will rise and fall, and all of this is, well, just a blip in the grand scheme of eternity.