A friend asked which car I've been driving since our van is in the shop. I told her that I have been driving my imaginary 2013 Honda Odyssey EX, fully loaded! My children don't spill drinks in it, or stuff french fries in the seats, and i drive it around all day, air conditioner blasting, "running errands" to frivolous places and spending all of my imaginary money!
I need a Facebook break AGAIN.
Please don't try and tell me that you have NEVER posted something on FB just to impress someone else or make them jealous. If you say that, I will tell you you are lying, and I will be 151% right.
Facebook is the perfect arena in which to be passive agressive and vague. If someone actually calls you out on what you are doing, you still have enough wiggle-room in which to say, "Oh, I didn't mean to do that at all!" and you are, for all purposes, off the hook.
I realized that all it does is make me
and I want to murder myself.
There needs to be a super HONEST Facebook. You can only post EXACTLY what you are doing. For example,
"I made spaghetti and meatballs from scratch, and my children won't die of cancer like yours will!"
the post would be,
"I forgot about dinner until exactly 4:45 when the world inside my little house was exploding. I looked in the cupboards and found an expired box of macaroni and cheese, some Pixie Sticks, and a bag of french fries that expired when God was a baby. While throwing the aforementioned items at my children, hoping they'd survive, a door to door salesman knocked on the door. My daughter opened it and invited him in, but I was only wearing a bra.
Last night the kids were FINALLY asleep and I thought I'd watch our favorite show with Scott until I got the brightest idea in the universe to try and replace my cracked iPod screen.
2.5 hours later and I had contracted a sudden need for Lasik eye surgery and this:
My version wasn't quite so organized and I accidentally ripped the volume button cord. Scott came upstairs, saw me huddled over the iPod, crying, and whispered, "BUY A NEW ONE."
"But I was trying to saaaaaaaaave moneyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" I sob, while trying to locate a screw the size of a 3 week embryo.
He walks back downstairs, and I realize that a) He's either really mad or b) He's a guy, and he told me what he thought, and I need to pack it in and go watch my show.
As any rational individual would do, I listed it on eBay and had it sold for $100 within the hour to some guy in Russia.
I will mail the old iPod off to Vladimir, and then I will change two diapers, find swimming suits for children who are apparently unable to keep track of them themselves, and sit down with a good book.
Only to be interrupted by screaming, of course.
Hey, it's all just a day in the life.