hang me out to dry

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I have been struggling with guilt in alot of areas and recently had a breakthrough. Guilt is another form of pride!


I am basically saying that only *I* can be everything to my friends, to my kids, to Scott, etc., etc., etc., ad nauseum.


Sort of pathetic and weird.


I recently told a friend, "I will not feel guilty any more! This is my New Year's Resolution!" and she responded, "You will fail."


Actually, what she said was alot nicer than that, and it was about 3 pages long.


Basically, the crux of it is that I *will* fail, if I'm depending on my own strength to do anything.


We've had six calls for foster care and I've said no to every one. Strangely, I haven't felt guilty about that.


Anyway, here's an emails I sent out to some friend today. You'll get a kick out of it.


I am sitting at my desk in our living room, looking at a picture of the kids and their cousins taken about 3 years ago... the picture is adorable and sweet and makes me think, "Oh, I miss when they were that little!"


...and then I remember that day. Asher was throwing tantrums all. day.


Days like these are easily forgotten, aren't they. 


Anyway, enjoy the email. I sure enjoyed writing it:

let's see. i went to wal-mart, the bane of my existence, to get "just a few
things". of course asher didn't have his coat on as we were getting out of
the car and so i told him to put it back on, then feebee started screaming
and literally had a snot bubble 2 inches wide coming out of her nose. it
really was lovely. asher chose that moment to decide he had to poop, so

into the walmart bathroom we went. i was expecting one of us to contract

a VD. anyway, he's screaming "i can't go potty on that thing!"
(toilet paper cover on the toilet), so i tried to explain to him that his
pee would make the center part go down, and then he yelled it really loud so
everyone would know. the people at the pharmacy were amused.

then there was this lady buying horrible 3.2 beer, and she was angry my cart
was in her way. i was getting the stuff for sausage casserole i am making (haha sausage)

and this  little asian woman was parked in the middle of the shopping aisle...this is
when my nose started running like a faucet and I had NOTHING TO WIPE MY NOSE
ON, not even a baby wipe. it was terribly classy. i'm sure you are wishing
you were there. i was sniffling all over the place. then, this 7 foot tall
man was trying to get past us and asher wouldn't move. (an aside: he is
eating Little Debbie heart cakes and claiming they are his lunch - he might
be on to something there)

i actually had to rip into the kleenex box at the checkout line before
payment was complete because the lady ahead of me had apparently never
shopped at a grocery store before. the lady behind me was trying to "shush"
fee-bee which made her cry harder.

i picked her up and she stopped and the lady said, "oh, so she's all bark, huh!"

and I said, "Yes!"

the majority of my coupons were expired, and the checker kept shaking her head and sighing when
she hit an expired one.

it was like a game show, only i was the loser.