I am opening up a can of worms here. Yay! Let the can-opening begin in honour of the new year. I spelled honour that way for my British friend Lucy, who is probably one of the few people that still read this blog. Oh, and Cole. I dreamt we went to California and got robbed at gunpoint. What do you think of the beach now???
Anyway, Fifi is 5 months old and well, as Scott puts it, a tad bit spoiled.
The facts:
She cries if she is not being held.
She cries the minute you put her down.
We are not used to this. Lucy, Asher, and Baby man would all sit there and look at us as babies (no, they wouldn't look at us while WE were babies, but THEY were the babies.)
Not Fifi.
While awake, the girl wants to be next to my bo*ob.
End of story.
She has been sleeping with us and I know right now there are people gasping in horror.
I have been unsuccessfully trying "Cry it out".
There, now the other half of you are gasping,
horrified.
Scott has been keeping a tally. The current score chart is:
Fifi: 157
Rachel: 1
She cried for 35 minutes tonight and I rewarded her by picking her up.
I think she's more spoiled because she's my last.
Any thoughts? Comments? Public humiliation for letting her sleep with us or letting her cry it out? Both?
Advice welcome - I'm going to regret this.
24 comments:
Do what works for you, if it isn't working then change it. If it is working then keep doing it.
I still read, too :) But since my baby is now 35 years old, I really don't remember what worked, or didn't with our kids! :) Your contemporaries can give advice....I'm just your cheerleader. Go with what your gut is telling you, and figure out what works for her....every kids is soooo different, as you already know!
Nope, let her sleep with you until she is one or so, not much later though (for fairness for you and your hubby), and she will learn to go to sleep each time you let her cry she will stop earlier and earlier and really why does it matter? hug and cuddle till she goes to sleep and let her rest. You know she will grow out of it you're not carrying your others around with you, they learned just as she will. Enjoy her and don't fret she will grow out of it in time. Kind of like potty training you don't see many kids in pullups in first grade.
Do what works for you. Listen to your own mama instinct and ignore all the mama voices that try to sound like experts on other people's children.
Maybe Phoebe is a different enough personality that she requires that much more of you than your other kiddos did. I don't know what it is that makes some of our babies need to be held while others seem to be content to just lay in their crib. I don't know what it is that makes CIO work for some kids and not work for others. Mine would cry for hours, take a short break, and them ramp up again if I let him. Thus we stopped the CIO and went with Dr. Sears and had him in our bed. Our son, not Dr. Sears. =) We never planned that, but that's how it turned out. He stayed there for two years and then moved to his own room. We still have to lay down with him until he either falls asleep or feels secure enough to be alone, but I figure he is only little once and I won't still be doing this in 10 years.
This may be total bunk, but there is a tiny part of me that wonders if Phoebe's needing you and my son's needing me might somehow be tied to the way we both went through unique birth injuries/experiences. Who knows? Maybe their hearts were able to grasp that more than we adults can imagine? I know a lot of people would think this idea is crazy, but I've wondered this a lot as I've watched my now almost 3 year old interact with me since he was born.
The only thing I know for sure is that when I obey my mama instinct and ignore other mamas (even awesome ones), things go well for our little family. But when I try to be like someone else, it never works. I'm learning to take great delight in telling other mamas who try to boss me around that God made me to be exactly what my little guy needs and that we'll figure it out on our own. (you should have seen the facebook comments when I innocently posted a funny poop comment my son made with the statement that we were starting potty training the day after his birthday - talk about opening a can of worms)
I love that you are bold enough to open a can of worms and that you are equally as gutsy to mama your kiddos as you see fit. Maybe that's what makes coming to your blog one of my favorite things to do? =)
5 month old spoiled? impossible! Just well loved! I think this is a battle we all fight! I know I have four times! I finally, gave in to trying the cry it out method when my last baby was 11 months. It worked very well. he only cried 30-40 minutes for two nights, and slept well since. I think this was because he was older though. I've tried using a playpen in my room and a crib in his own room, sometimes one would work, and sometimes the other.
I like it. The only kid I had that I didn't CIO with is still trying to get in my bed every single night. He's six. My others(4 year old and twin 2 year olds) love their beds. When I tell them it's time to go to bed they all walk down the hall and get in there willingly and happily. They are seriously happy to get in their beds and go to sleep. They don't cry and I just put them in there and leave. The six year old has to have everything under the sun to make him happy at night and I usually end up sitting on the edge of his bed until he falls asleep. Then he runs to our bed in the middle of the night and squishes himself in there and we don't get much sleep or room. Anecdotal evidence much?
It didn't take all that long to get them that way either. My second was six months old and went from a fully co-sleeping attached to the boob baby to a night-weaned 12 hour a night in the crib baby in about 4 days. The twins took even less time. I just started out with them in the crib because I was afraid of rolling on one or dropping one off the side of the bed. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
Ah, don't sweat it. Do what your mama heart tells her & love her to pieces. You won't regret that part, I promise. :)
*tells YOU lol
This is the same advice I gave my sister right or wrong I think it fits you can't do cry it out until you are ready and she has figured out self soothing if she can't self sooth yet then it is not going to work. Do you have a night gown, shirt or something that she enjoys touching...it may or may not work but for us it has worked three times watch the forth be a doozy.
I can give good poodle advice. Gus will be 7 in February and is still sleeping with me although he did have to wait to sleep in my bed until he was fully house trained! When I'm not here he sleeps without me. He's not allowed near that particular part of my anatomy or I'd be writing on a different blog!
I thinks she's find sleeping with you for now....maybe in a few months she'll be ready for her crib. Of course, Dad might want his wife back before then...lol.
Thanks for the British spelling. I miss it! While I would go INSANE if my babies slept with me, I realise that for other people the constant getting up and down and settling and resettling babies would drive THEM insane. I agree with what some people have written above - you have to have your heart in whatever you are doing - this is especially true if what you are doing is difficult. I would also add that Mummy and Daddy need to agree on whatever sleep strategy you are using. Also, something I am trying to make myself believe these days with our 3.5 week old, things DO change and babies stop whatever they are doing that is so hard right now. Things do get better and easier as you (and I) know. Everything is harder when you're tired. I am trying to keep my expectations very low, and it helps, although it goes against my character to do so!
PS - looks like plenty of people are still reading!!
With so many things with kids (and seriously, everything else), you have to deal with the issue at some time. The question is, when do you want to deal with it? It is either hard at the beginning of the issue, or later when you work at it. If you're ok with her sleeping with you and holding her, go with it. And don't worry about it.
AGREE WITH HEATHER! Sounds like the crying is driving you a little batty... so, I'll give a wee bit of what worked for us. It's simple. We just let the kiddos cry, well, not torturously, of course, but they did learn quickly that crying isn't the stimulus that will get them food, attention, etc. In the end, do what works for you and your children. The crying-it-out thing takes patience too. Some people say it is mean to do, and is the lazy way out... haaaa, no way. It doesn't work that way. For us, it was the best way to make it work for our family, and has followed through early childhood thus far too, not just babyhood/toddlerhood. Finally, you know your kids' cries. You can tell when a cry is pain, hunger, boredom, etc. I'm not advocating letting your kid cry if they're bleeding or whatever. I'm guessing you knew that though. :)
We're having similar struggles here at our house, but ours is with our now 18-month-old Payton (can you believe I can actually say I have an 18-month-old daughter?!) She still gets up several times a night and it's gotten to be really difficult for us. The sleep deprivation has been tough-- I can hardly think straight sometimes, Shannon and I keep getting sick. It's not working for us, but I'm still not positive how we should fix it. I definitely relate to your struggle. We're going to try getting Payton on a more set schedule (for both day and night), then stop feeding her during the night (she's still so tiny that the dr recommended this up until recently), then try to have her fall asleep on her own in her crib. I know all these things intellectually-- it's just so much harder with my actual child than I ever imagined it would be. I know this too will pass, but I'm just ready to solve it so we can all get some sleep :)
With Tristan, he cried it out at 4 months and only for a few nights. Lani, on the other hand, REFUSED to cry it out and only got louder and angrier the longer we tried to let her 'cry it out.' It didn't work for her until she was 1 y.o. and kind of decided to do it on her own.
Yes, I do still read this. =) No, don't like the waves any less. HA! Had a great time watching my little munchies jumping those waves with Daddy while I got camera crazed!! =)
"The only thing I know for sure is that when I obey my mama instinct and ignore other mamas (even awesome ones), things go well for our little family. But when I try to be like someone else, it never works." - the perfect parenting advice!
I had one that didn't CIO, he'd just scream his cute little head off. So I didn't let him cry.
He's a confident, intelligent, creative almost 12 year old. He is also the one that nursed for 15 months and NEVER took a bottle. He also was a thumb sucker, I was soooooo thankful that he/we found that thumb.
I always thought that opposite had 2 sides. Front/back. Up/down. Face/well, you know. And then Isaac was born. I'm convinced that opposite has 3 sides and Rose Gerringer told me that it has 5 sides. I'm pretty sure that opposite has as many sides as you have kids. That being said, do what works for Phoebe. She's beautiful and healthy.
--JJ
What does your gut tell you? If you're happy with her sleeping with you, keep it up. If not, then you have to decide how far you want to go with the crying it out (which is flipping HARD!). I couldn't do the crying it out method and so we didn't until my son and I reached the point where we were both ready. I'm a big fan of doing what works for you and your child . . . and really, only you can decide that.
Don't cry it out, it definitely sounds like you don't want to. She's your last baby. You know you will look back on this and wish you could hang on to every moment. So do. You honestly can't spoil a 5 month old. She needs you, you need her, and that's ok. I love the suggestion of Dr. Sears too. Total attachment parent here, it hasn't failed me yet!!
Gosh, Ella almost destroyed my sanity with her love of the boob and NOT sleeping! She was by far my easiest toddler though, so I think you get it at some point with every kid - you just don't know when!
Still reading!
do what you need to do, and what you can handle! i totally agree with heather-make it work for you. if you're stressed but doing what someone else says is right, then it isn't doing you or your family any good. and she won't go to kindegarten on your bo*ob. :) enjoy her while she's tiny-it goes too fast!
I'm reading your blog in my google reader but had to come to your page to read the comments. :) As a very new mommy, I love how the comments are generally "Do what is right for your family." It could be taken as a wishy-washy answer, but I like the confidence it instills in moms and dads that they know their kids best and to make decisions that work for their kids' particular personalities and their home's environment.
I have.learned to wing it. I have tried so many random stuff with baby man and little lady. If anyone gasps, they are too up tight or closed minded. You're an awesome mom.
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