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It's Christmas time.

You should be happy, light on your feet, and merry-go-lucky. Things shouldn't bother you. You should always be kind to your children. You should always keep everything in your house picked up. You shouldn't cuss at other people in traffic. You shouldn't get upset with your kids and wish you were on Facebook instead of interacting with them. You should do something special each day for advent. You should always look cute on Sunday morning.

Should, should SHOULD.

Damn you, shoulds. Let's just dehorn the shoulds, shall we?

I've always had a guilty constitution. Even as a young child, if there were something to feel guilty about, you can bet I'd be first in line for the parade. So much of my life has been made up of shoulds, woulds, and coulds.

I'm not sure how much of this attitude is wrapped up in the OCD part of my brain, the part of my brain that believes it truly can control everything just by thinking positively or negatively about it, and how much of it is just part of my upbringing.

I have been thinking so much about Derek Clark, the foster kid who became so much more than everyone thought he would become.

I was reading his book last night when I probably should have been asleep. The sheets were dirty and I had a million other thigns I was feeling guilty about not doing. His book was so much more fun, though. In one striking passage he writes:

"Life is confusing and I don't always know what to believe. There are only a select few who can enjoy unwavering faith. They never question anything. It is like they have a knowledge others do not. I believe some people are directly connected to God, and it is beautiful to see this connection. But I am not one of those people. I would like to have that unwavering faith. Anyone who has suffered or gone through bad experiences either strengthens their faith or lets it fade away. I continually try to strengthen it day by day. But just because I don't have this unwavering faith doesn't mean that I don't believe in God or that I am not a Christian. I am always going through the process of questioning my faith, and I will never give up trying to find it."

he goes on:

"I have always struggled with the suffering of the innocent. I can only imagine the faith a mother has when her child is diagnosied with cancer and has only a few months to live. She is probably praying with utter sincerity and devotion to God, asking that He not take her child away, yet often the child passes  on."

I first read these passages and found myself instantly judging him. He'd grown up in a Christian foster home and he'd had many opportunities to see God at work in his life. And then, I thought of how different his early years were compared to mine.

He was abandoned by everyone he ever loved. His parents gave him away. He was bullied, sexually abused, categorically rejected by all of those who were supposed to protect him.

I was always loved, always cared for, always. My dad never walked out on me.

I've heard people say that it's hard for them to trust a heavenly Father when their earthly father did nothing but crap on them.

As my friend Cole puts it, "It's hard to hold your hand out, only to get it constantly bitten. How many times do you do that before you just plain give up?"

Listen. If you've read my dlithering for any length of time you know I have had definite opinions on religion and politics.

The older I get, though, the more I realize that it's all about love, about helping others up, about judging less and serving more.

We all fall down. We all, hopefully, try to get back up. I have a friend who is about as far opposite me on things like politics and religion. She has worked for various animal protective leagues, lots and lots of charities dealing with stillbirth, and she's working hard at raising her boys to the best of her ability.

She's a gorgeous, giving spirit, and she has a killer sense of humor.

I love her for it.

I guess what all of these ramblings really are saying is this:

talk less.
listen more.
give yourself grace.
don't believe that so-and-so has it better or easier or anything.
you don't know so-and-so's story.

Basically, just do this:
He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.  Micah 6:8


It's really that simple. 


Talk softly, carry a big stick. 


Show compassion.


Give someone else grace, extend it back to yourself, tenfold.


In the words of Travis, the best band EVER:


Well I believe there's someone watching over you
They're watching every single thing you say
And when you die, they'll set you down and take you through
You'll realize one day


That the grass is always greener on the other side
The neighbor's got a new car that you wanna drive
And when time is running out, you wanna stay alive


We all live under the same sky
We all will live, we all will die
There is no wrong, there is no right
The circle only has one side, side, side


We all try hard to live our lives in harmony
For fear of falling swiftly overboard
But life is both a major and minor key
Just open up the chord


But the grass is always greener on the other side
The neighbor's got a new car that you wanna drive
And when time is running out you wanna stay alive


We all live under the same sky
We all will live, we all will die
There is no wrong, there is no right
The circle only has one side, side, side, side


But the grass is always greener on the other side
The neighbor's got a new car that you wanna drive
And when time is running out, you wanna stay alive


We all live under the same sky
We all will live, we all will die
There is no wrong, there is no right


But the grass is always greener on the other side
The neighbor's got a new car that you wanna drive
And when time is running out, you wanna stay alive


We all live under the same sky
We all will live, we all will die
There is no wrong, there is no right
The circle only has one side, side, side, side side, side, side, side


I'm realizing more and more, in my own journey, that it's just a day at a time, an hour, a minute. NOBODY has it figured out. 


We're all just travelling the line of life, hoping one day to hear the "Well done" piece. We're all struggling.


Chin up, friend. It'll get better.


Do what you can today, give a little something of yourself, or take if you need to.


Taking is OK, too.


We may be getting an 11 month old today, for just a little while. Haven't heard back yet.

Stay tuned for the winner of the movie! (This is so fun, isn't it?)