I suppose I shall begin at the beginning. We were at our foster care conference this weekend. It was soooooooooooo wonderful to see old friends and meet new foster parent friends. It is so nice to have a local network of people who "get it".
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| Scott the Mexican gangster holding FeeBee at the Foster Parent Conference |
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| Asher: I just can't quit you, Baby Man! |
I just loved that.
It's almost been a year since we became foster parents. I'm going to be honest here (like I'm ever anything but). Our becoming foster parents was a direct result of the loss we'd experienced trying to have babies. Yes, it's probably obvious that I have carried those losses around like a badge...trying to make something out of them. I keep feeling like our losses are a lump of clay and I keep trying to mold them into something beautiful with my words. Like David, I realize that my futile attempts are nothing:
O LORD, God of my salvation,
when, at night, I cry out in your presence,
let my prayer come before you;
incline your ear to my cry. Psalm 88:1-2
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| The kids loving on Baby Man at the conference. |
It's almost been a year since we became foster parents. I'm going to be honest here (like I'm ever anything but). Our becoming foster parents was a direct result of the loss we'd experienced trying to have babies. Yes, it's probably obvious that I have carried those losses around like a badge...trying to make something out of them. I keep feeling like our losses are a lump of clay and I keep trying to mold them into something beautiful with my words. Like David, I realize that my futile attempts are nothing:
O LORD, God of my salvation,
when, at night, I cry out in your presence,
let my prayer come before you;
incline your ear to my cry. Psalm 88:1-2
I can't tell you how many times that Psalm has run through my mind. There has been alot of hurt in relation to the loss, and loss, and loss. In the process of letting it all go I've found that there's a huge part of me that longs to hold onto it. There's a huge part of me that is afraid of my identity without it.
it's complicated.
This weekend was our fostering agency's conference. I have so much to say about it but will keep my thoughts to a minimum. Hey, how's about I do a bullet-point type thing?
At our conference we:
- Got to see all three kids get a picture with Santa. I felt a tad bit like a poser since we don't have any placements, currently. Santa was all sweet with us and then, without skipping a beat said, "Yo yo yo, dawgs!" to the group of teenage foster kids behind us. It was sheer awesomeness:
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| Phoebe looks slightly like an angry Russian in her Bolshevik hat. |
- met an awesome lady who reads this blog! When we first showed up we were given a gift bag full of goodies and were told to check in and then go down to the "gift room" (ermmmm...a room FULLLLLLLLLLLL of brand new Hallmark goodies, free for the taking! Can you say JACK POT?!) to pick out whatever we wanted to. I slogged out of that room looking like the bag lady down by the river. I think I got about 600 bucks worth of stuff. I'm a nerd. I actually calculated it. By the end of the night the ladies there were begging us to take it! It was awesome. Anyway, the lady I met happened to read here. It was so awesome, but I wondered if I had any boogers or if she noticed that I had something in my teeth or my outfit was dumb. blerg. She and her husband have two very adorable and very feisty little three year olds, along with their older daughter. Hello, new friend!
- There was a lady at our table who kept falling asleep during the conference. It was 9,387 kinds of hilarity. In fact, she always falls asleep during these types of things.
- Had a hilarious conversation in which Scott and I sat with a table of women who had been fostering for about 186 years between the four of them. "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrl, my foster boy tore up my car and I had to have it repossessed. I gave it to the next foster girl because it wasn't no good to me any more." "My little foster boy started fires." "My foster daughter would cuss me out, so I'd make her sit out on the porch while she cussed me out, because Mama knows there aint gonna be no cussing of me in MY house!" Apparently when it snowed the kid got tired of being outside in the cold and the cussing stopped. When I asked these ladies why they continue to foster they responded with an almost unanimous, "because we love it!" (In foster circles, the phenomenon of the inability to say "no" to a foster placement is called "foster crack".)
- I got to have an amazing conversation with Missey Smith after she and her husband Greg led a seminar about stranger danger and the like. Their daughter Kelsey was abducted and murdered from my favorite Target store in 2007. Separate post coming about that.
- I am soooooooo very excited for our next foster placement! So many new ideas and a little bit nerve-racking. I can't wait. I wonder who it will be?
- We heard from an amazing guy who the system had all but given up on. 13 foster homes in as many years, and finally he was placed with foster parents who NEVER GAVE UP on him. He is an amazing man. A post coming soon about my lightbulb moment while hearing from him...
- As you can see up top we got to see Baby Man, the foster son we got straight from the hospital last December and got to have until he was nine months old in October. It was delightful!
- I have one million other things to tell you about. I will be back tomorrow! I'll also be starting an awesome Christmas giveaway each two days from tomorrow until Christmas.
Hooray!
6 comments:
I love this blog on so many levels.
You sound wonderful and happy and centered and peaceful and just ready to accept what God wants from you.
I am also glad you got to see baby man that had to be a special moment for you all. Fostering children who are not your own is difficult, we did teenage girls for a while, one was suicial, (I didn't know that and she made applesauce with me all weekend long holding a knife right next to me), one was running from her parents, dad showed up angry at our door, and one married my brother in law. (oops didn't think of teenage girl meeting teenage boy) I think fostering little kids would be 'easier'...
maybe.
Whatever you do you will do well and be successful. I pray your decision will be the right one.
If I ever did fostering I would do the babies, they really are the most vulnerable.
YAY!!! So happy to hear you had such a great day!! It looks like everyone had fun catching up with Baby Man too. =)
P.S. Lu looks so much bigger! And quite adorable, might I add.
I thought of you the other day when we were at a play put on by a youth ministry organization in our town to raise funds to help more kids. During one of the intermissions, they had the newest staff member with the organization come out. She was in her early 20's and talked about how she grew up in foster care for most of her life, finally aging out of the system. But while she was in it, she came to know Jesus when her foster mom let her go with this youth organization on one of their summer programs. She talked about how various people came into her life to help her grow in her walk with Jesus, eventually helping her get into a one year leadership training program after she aged out of the system. And now, here she is, this beautiful 20-something young woman serving youth in her community. It made me think of you and made me wonder how many foster moms and dads out there get to be "Jesus-in-skin" to the kiddos placed in their home. One can only imagine the fruit that can grow from the seeds you guys plant in the kiddos you serve.
And just so you know, thanks to you, my heart is opening up to the idea of doing what you do. I was pretty closed to it after watching a family close to me go through a tough adoption. They adopted a child who had already been adopted once and nearly adopted a second time. By the time he got to them, he told me he'd had "about 100 moms". His brokenness combined with their disregard for counseling has caused huge issues. I watched both of their biological sons say that their lives were ruined because of this boy. Is it so sad and so complicated. Watching them, I began to think there was no way on God's green earth I'd ever subject any biological children to that. But my heart is getting softer. A lot softer. Getting to listen to your journey has helped that happen.
And p.s. the comment you left on my blog awhile back? Yep, I totally wished we lived close to each other. I'd love to have the hubbies corral the kids for a bit so we could sit over coffee and chocolate and chat.
it sounds like it was wonderful :) can't wait to read your upcoming posts :)
These are my favourite parts of this post:
"Scott the Mexican gangster holding FeeBee at the Foster Parent Conference "
"Asher: I just can't quit you, Baby Man! "
"I'll also be starting an awesome Christmas giveaway each two days from tomorrow until Christmas."
And, of course, hearing about the great time you had this weekend. I can imagine that getting support from others who foster is a vital need.
I love to read your blog!
So I really do read your blog... I read this post days ago but I'm just now commenting because I never have and it seemed like a big deal. Anyway, it was so great running into you at the conference! I told my husband I felt like I met a celebrity and he said, "yeah, I could tell." So I'm glad you didn't describe me as the weird creepy lady you met. I wish we could have had more time to talk but those feisty boys keep me distracted. :) By the way, your teeth were good and you looked great!
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