Since our nine-month-old foster son left us on October 2nd after being with us his entire life we've gotten calls for:
2 month old and 12 month old siblings
3 year old brothers
2 and 4 year old siblings
Our last call came just a few days ago, and it was for a little 5 year old girl. She was having to move from her current foster home because she had anger issues and was displaying lots of behaviors. She had destroyed a comforter already and had punched holes in the walls.
I told the lady I was talking to about her that we would *love* to take her but I have other little ones I have to protect, especially a 4 month old who is unable to defend herself. I've no doubt it was the right decision.
I hung up the phone and went back to whatever I was doing.
For me, that moment was just one of a series of moments in my day.
For that little girl, wherever she is, that moment could very well have determined the course of her life...or, a moment like that.
It just made me think.
5 comments:
I have thought about that too. How our decisions as foster parents to accept or not accept a placement can affect their lives. For me, I think about the call I got just after New Years this year for a 15 month old African American boy. Our bio son was only 19 months old at the time and I had a 5 month older foster baby that was transitioning home. I said yes. And today that little boy is our son. What if I had said no? It makes me sick to think of that thought. I have said no many times... but I am humbled to know I said 'yes' when it was right :)
So sad that children have to be put in such a situation that they learn anger and aggression and outbursts just because some adults can't handle being adults or parents. I pray for this little one and I do think your choice was right. You can't let another hurt the ones you have. Fairness and compassion do have boundaries. How is the little man doing these days?
Oh, that poor kiddo. But Rach, you do need to protect your little ones. Your heart is one of the tenderest out there, which is why you are great at what you do. It's also why you can't help but think about the little ones who are hurting so much.
I have thought about that too... The decision to say "yes" or "no" to potential placements, and what effect that might have on the outcome of these children's lives. Ultimately, I've come to realize that I need to trust my instincts and do what I feel is best for EVERYONE involved. Accepting a placement when you KNOW it's not a good fit isn't helping that child. You did the right thing!
On a different note - I would LOVE to nominate you for the Liebster Blog Award and set a link to your blog on my own if that's okay with you. Yours is one of the blogs that I look most forward to reading, and I'd love to share it with my readers as well!
Back when I was going through training to become a foster parent in another state, I was eagerly recruited because I had special training in working with kids and teens with anger issues. And there are other foster parents out there who are. Please don't accept guilt for taking care of your own! There are always other people (well, almost always) who can step in and who will step in.
I was strongly encouraged to drop my whole foster parenting thing because I am the queen of self-inflicted guilt. I probably would have ended up with 20 high risk kids and a nervous break down!
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