Wednesday, September 7, 2011

7

7 years ago today I was sobbing in an ultrasound room.

I was wiping my husband's tears with my hand.

Watching a grown man cry is its own particular kind of sorrow.

We had learned that one of our twins was gone, and little did we know that in just three weeks, our world would shatter again. The remaining baby would be diagnosed "incompatible with life".

I remember so clearly walking out of that doctor's office, numb.

I remember hearing the receptionist tell my husband, "Oh! Twins! Next time, it's the big ultrasound! We book an hour for twins."

My sobs escaped me, harder, and he ran over to the elevator to push the "down" button. As the doors closed I heard him tell her, "One of them just died. It'll be a shorter time slot we'll need."

Two more sets of twins were conceived within the next five years, none of those babies survived.

*******

I open up the twin stroller in the garage as I watch dust mites float through the afternoon shafts of sun light, down into my son's dusty blond hair. He's beautiful at this age; all skin and bones and lightness and Lego t-shirts. I still sometimes can't believe he came out of me, perfect, breathing,

alive.

He's not wearing shoes, only Lego socks, so I go inside the house to grab his shoes. That's when it hits me that this was the day seven years ago, when my world fell apart.

7 weeks ago she was born, perfect, breathing.

7 weeks ago I nearly died, and my uterus was thrown into the trash - God's official message to me that my uterus is no longer needed...He'll do fine without it. (And thank you, God, for that tender mercy.)

7 months ago a baby boy was born in our city. Not so perfect, squalling, tiny, needing a home.

7 months ago we welcomed him here.

As I place each baby in his or her side of the stroller, it hits me...

twins.

again.

and the levity

is not lost on me.


25 comments:

Jenny said...

Wow, beautiful post Rachel. Tears in my eyes reading this, tears of sadness because I understand the pain of the losses, but also tears of joy that you've found your way to the other side. Big hugs, my friend :)

Majestic said...

Isn't it all perfect, Rachie?

Jess said...

Beautiful twins. Congratulations, Rachel!

Cole said...

I have tears stinging my eyes and goosebumps running up & down my arms & back...Oh what a beautiful family you have, Rach! I know the road has been quite trying, but look at this wonderful point of arrival!

Ruhiyyih Rose said...

I love this! What beautiful writing. God is so good :)

My Fam-i-Lee said...

just wow.

LucyLu said...

Beautiful

Michelle said...

Love this! I couldn't help but think of Genesis 2 while reading this. God rested on the seventh day from all that he created and now you may rest in his peace and plan for your kiddos. What an amazing post, Rachel.

Lisa said...

Wow. So many losses, but after all that, God saw fit to give you your own particular variety of "twins". Amazing.

Kristen said...

love it. love it. love it. that's all I can even say. I too have lost a twin. And the twin of that one ... struggles his own struggles. And yet the stroller is full. As is yours. BLESSED.

Megan@TrueDaughter said...

What a lovely, lovely post. Congratulations on the great gifts God has given you.

Mindy said...

This is so moving to read. There is so much that happens in our world that is meant to be, and exactly what is supposed to happen, even when we don't understand or see it. Sometimes it's hard to go through and still believe, but look at where you are now!

Mary said...

L.O.V.E. this. You walked through it all to come to this very moment, this very place in time. God's perfect plan. This.

Bre said...

I had to tell you that this post gave me the chills to read, in a good way. May all of your twins be blessed.

TiAnna Mae said...

Glory to God! This is a true testament that God HAS to turn everything around for our good. Everything has been brought full cirlce!

Paige said...

Absolutely beautiful post! May God continue to bless you and your precious family.

Penelope said...

7 is the perfect number He had in His plan all along. May He give you comfort through your losses and blessings on your new twins!

thezenoftheegghunt said...

Such a beautiful post. I'm so happy you're on the other side of that number. I love you.

San Diego Mobile Notary said...

Beautiful post Rachel.

Gretchen R said...

You brought tears to my eyes. God is so good, isn't He? He gets us through. There is always completion. He doesn't forget us. Thank you for this.

Shannon said...

Stop making me cry!

The things that are bigger than us are the most wonderful and meaningful- you've certainly reminded me of that.

MamaFoster said...

it's days like that when eyes well with gratefulness and you feel the urge to fall on your face in thanks to the one who planned this redemptive moment.

Bridgit said...

Love this post, just beautiful.

Debbie said...

Beautiful! Your strength is amazing and truly God's doing I know. Praise God for the blessings He's given you.

Thoughts for the day said...

God restores what we have lost often times in ways we never ever would or could imagine.
Enjoy the gifts you are so blessed.