Lately I feel so bipolar. One minute I'm in the depths of despair and the next?
The next I'm laughing hysterically at something and wondering how I have it so good.
I'm not used to feeling like this, and I hate it. I want not EVER to feel sad; I want to figure out how to accept all that's happened and just "move on".
Then, I was thinking that sometimes "moving on" is accepting your limitations, accepting where you are, accepting that "moving on" is also spending time being sad. Spending time being angry...being ambivalent.
I have been limiting the amount of blogs I read and still haven't "officially" come back onto Facebook. I signed on because I wanted to get ahold of an old friend, but have absolutely no desire to actually start reading status updates or wondering who is doing what.
Why, you ask?
Because it's too hard. It's too hard to be feeling totally great and then hop on there and see a breathtaking photo of one of the 9,392 new babies my dear friends have had. I used to think I was a total brat for not looking, but it's self-preservation, and it's what I have to do right now.
Listen, some days I think, "We are going to adopt!" and then I think, "The problem is figured out! Let's try again!" and then I think, "We are complete and fine just the way our family is now!" but most often I think,
"I need a beer and a reeeeeeeally bad Lifetime movie."
So that is where I am, and it's OK.