Who would have ever thought? When we started talking about this, I thought, "No way would Scott ever be on board." But I prayed and prayed that God would either take away my desire for another child or change Scott's heart. I had prepared my heart for a "no" answer. I would never coerce my husband into such a huge decision. So I waited, and prayed, and quieted my heart. Then one night we were sitting down one night and Scott said, "What about foster/adopt?"
Friends, I nearly fell off of my chair.
Last night was amazing. We got to sit down and talk with the social worker. We learned that we are very well-qualified to be foster/adoptive parents, and she answered all of the questions we've been storing up for such a time as this. She checked out our house and told us what we need to change to be licensed. All stuff we've been intending to do, stuff like carbon monoxide detectors and smoke alarms. Stuff that will make our home safer for everyone.
I just read the adoption story of a new friend and it made me so amazed. This could be us! She also said she's had 4 friends who've adopted babies from foster care in the last 2 years. There ARE children waiting to be adopted. Many. They don't all have horrible issues. They need love. Our social worker said the same thing. There are so many different situations and extenuating circumstances.
Scott is actually more excited about the foster care aspect than I am. He asked the sweetest questions about whether or not the kiddos can take the stuff we have bought for them when they leave. He said, and I quote, "I don't want them to come into our home empty-handed and leave it the same way. That's not right."
I just absolutely love my husband.
During the foster/adopt classes they take you through the worst-case scenarios, so you are duly prepared. They've definitely been eye opening. The truth is, we are both ready for this. These kiddos need us.
Do we really say "no" to opening our home up because they may only stay a month? What if this is the only stability they will know in their short lives? How can we say, "No?" As followers of Jesus Christ, how can we possibly? How?
I've said "no" in my heart so many times...but if I'm going to practice what I preach, if I'm going to be Jesus' hands and feet instead of throwing money at problems and turning my back, this is it.
God has used some amazing friends to help us decide.
After reading our profile the social worker asked if I feel like I'm ready, if I've properly grieved. I know I have. Even 4 or 5 months ago I'd say "no". I'll always be sad, but that's not going to change with time. There will always be a part of me I gave up when my babies died.
But it's time to move on.
When I think about all of the miscarriages and pain and Lucy's issues, I think also how our experience can be used to help these kiddos. We know loss. We *get* it, more than we'd like to.
It gives me chills to think that God can even use our very intense grief as a way to help little kids who are feeling the same thing.
To maybe be getting a glimpse of the back of this pain tapestry? To see how He's used all things to get us to this place? WOW. And I wonder how many children out there still wouldn't have homes if there weren't such a thing as pregnancy loss?
There will be ups and downs. I will document them here. We don't know what the heck we are doing, but we know we've considered it all very carefully and we will follow as God continues to lead us.
Following blind is scary as anything, but it's also exhilarating...because I AM NOT IN CONTROL.
Last night was an "up".
Thank you, God.