Friday, August 27, 2010

dear mini van

In order to be a good mother, according to my husband, you must do the following:

1. Wear black spandex capri pants. Wear them often, pairing them with every color of the rainbow. They're even better with flip flops and a tight shirt so your muffin top is in full view. CHECK.

2. Talk about minivans, and how great they are. If there are any amongst you who do not own a minivan, berate the car they do own and tell them they are missing out. Tell them that once they go to a minivan, they won't go back. Think about minivans, and then go and buy one, even though you SWORE you never would. CHECK.

One day I decided, on a whim, to list Scott's car on craig's list. I posted pictures of it, dirty, thinking that no one would ever want to come and look at it. I had overpriced it by about 1000 and the pictures weren't good.

3 hours later I had 7 responses. You should have seen me, sweating like a stuck pig; vacuuming, febreezing, and windexing like my very soul was hanging in the balance. My neighbor even came running out with some Lysol after I ran out of Febreeze. Hey, it smells good!

The first guy who came to look at it bought it, paying me 700 more than what I thought it was worth. Of course, before he bought it he had to take it for a test drive that was three hours long, so I started to get a little nervous. I wondered how I would explain to Scott that I had gotten his car stolen for him, all in the course of a work day.

What would that phone call be like? "Uh, honey? It's me! I let someone steal your car!!!!!! Pick up some condo*ms on your way home from the store, wouldya?"

I digress. Anyway, I wanted to cry when he drove it away. That car has been with me for 13 years. Through acne, bad breakups, moves across the city and the country, 7 accidents, 5 speeding tickets (two in one day), two baby-home-from-the-hospital car rides, and 3 family trips.

It's a hard thing to say goodbye to a memory-keeper such as that.

But the van.

Oh, the van.

You were worth the wait, sweet van. I love you already, and I know our love will only grow. Give me time to learn your angles and how you like to be treated. I promise not to let the children eat ketchup and fries in you, or throw up on your upholstery. I wonder what you will bring us. Will you carry even more children in the back back seat? Will you take us to a court house to finalize an adoption?

Thank you for providing me with my very first car cd player, ever. To others you may be just a van, but to me, you are luxury.

I could sit in you and smell your new car smell (even though you are 6 years old) for hours.
Tell me your stories. Sing to me your sweet, sweet serendipitous songs of extra cargo space and mom jeans. I am yours for the taking.

World, meet my new van. Van, meet the world.

I'm Rachel, and I am a mini van owner.


Alisa said...

Dang girl. That is sweet.

Melodie said...

I am just a green monster

Cole said...

LOL!! I can hear you saying all those things out loud in my head. You really did have that conversation with the van didn't you?

Congrats, mini van owner, congrats!

Sara said...

Congratulations! And I just died laughing. :)

Sara said...

Congratulations! And I just died laughing. :)

Michelle said...

Sweet!! Congratulations! And if you haven't seen the "swagger wagon" video for the Toyota Sienna, look it up on youtube. Hilarious!

addy1013 said...

jealous! enjoy your new beauty! :)

Catherine said...

Seriously? THREE HOURS? You're kidding, right? LOL!

Ruhiyyih Rose said...

congrats!!! That is awesome news! I love your writing. Matt is dead set against a minivan but he will just see what it is like when we have a million kiddos...(I grew up sitting in the middle front seat of a huge Buick...)

Dale said...

Wahey for minivans.
Carry many across your nation oh owner of justice.

Rach said...

Welcome to vanhood. Congrats! :o)

Kiki said...

Love this post! Congrats on your sweet new ride! Love the swagger wagon! And welcome to motherhood, officially.