God is leading our family in a different direction...a direction we wouldn't have gone had the past 3 pregnancy losses not happened.

I can't help but be excited, though I know there is lots ahead of us. I guess I'm excited because I know a new chapter is opening...and I know that through lots of prayer and giving it over and over and over again, God will make something beautiful out of it.

Yeah, crazy, right? There is so much crazy in the world, and little Ben Ricketts and his situation has made me realize again and again how little we have control over. I heard of another family who lost their 10 day old to a sudden high fever in August and their 4.5 year old a few days ago to a fall.

And yet, and yet...there has to be a reason for it all. I refuse to believe that all of the suffering in the universe is mindless, devoid of deity-driven direction.

If I believed it were mindless, there would be no reason for me to live, to breathe, to direct little lives in a way I believe to be right.

Sometimes clarity comes to us in the midst of the downpour. Through the tears, we see different outs, different options.

And they are more beautiful than anything we could have dreamt possible.