Saturday, February 6, 2010

this will probably change

Just bruised and battered this morning.

Sometimes I feel like things are going in slow motion and I should be able to catch up with the outside world but I can't...something is keeping me from doing it.

I want the sadness to stop. I want to be happy when I hear someone else is having a baby. I don't want to feel fear every time I think about trying again. I don't want to think about the anxiety that is sure to follow a positive pregnancy test.

And can I do 37 weeks of hell again?

I am broken, completely.

Two empty Hershey bars wrappers and an empty cookie package proves it.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hugs, Rach. I know. We'll love you through whatever happen next for you all.

Sarah

Cole said...

I'm sorry this sadness is hanging over you. The clouds will clear. We're here in the meantime.

Melodie said...

You will feel better again eventually....pain is hard to deal with physical or mental and I think you are dealing with it very well.

korin said...

I love you Rachel. You are not broken, you are just staring the truth in the face. you WILL feel better. Don't rush it. and yes, if you do decide to try again, you will survive 37 weeks of anxiety, cause I will be here holding your crazy hand.

Jenn said...

Here for you anytime!

sarah said...

I feel ya sister. (((HUGS)))

Renee said...

If ever you need an ear to listen, I'm here for you.

kate said...

sending ((((((hugs))))))

Ya, it will get better in time, but it can take a long time. You are hanging in there very well. Just take it slow & know we are all thinking about you.

Joy said...

Psalm 102 helps me during tough times.

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