new again

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Tonight I got word that a dear friend of mine will have to deliver her baby and then very shortly afterwards say goodbye to him.

Just last week we sat face to face at a little booth table in a nearly empty restaurant, and she told me she had peace. I said that I was trying hard not to be angry about alot of things, or at least trying hard not to let it control me. But her? She seemed calm and optimistic.

She said in her email, "Don't be mad at God."

I can't help but feel that exact emotion. I can't help but want to rage at the sky, to wonder why the gathering storm is choosing to rain itself on her. I wonder why this baby was chosen.

You know what's weird though? Despite all of the pain, I see it so clearly. I think of my grandfather's beautiful oak casket, all of us grandchildren looking at it in disbelief. Wondering how a life that barged through so many obstacles just quietly surrendered to a Night we all hate.

Wasn't he immune? Weren't we?

Sometimes I think we overestimate it - Death, give it a power it shouldn't have. Sometimes I think we give Losses too much of a foothold in our lives. Certainly we shouldn't blatantly deny the things that hurt our hearts. But should we hold onto them with fists so fierce that the fierceness pushes away any beauty we may have noticed had we not been straining so hard?

As my fists learn, and relearn, to release my burdens, I watch in wonder as those on this same path learn the same. Surely my friend will have many days where she is shouting at the sky. And surely, I will be there right with her.

But in the end, the clenched fists and the Night have nothing on the power that rains down on us every day. We have, in our arsenal, something that removes the luster from a shiny casket, that ignores the wilting of flowers at a grave. Something that shouts right back down, "This is not the end!" "Take heart!" "I know the world is a shit can right now, but something better is coming. And you can take THAT to the bank."

Everything will be new again.

It's a promise.

Revelation 21:5 - 6

And he who sat upon the throne said, "Behold I make all things new." Also he said, "Write this, for these words are trustworthy and true."