Yesterday I went to Target with a friend. We wandered the aisles mainly because we needed to get out, and I decided to go and get some candy from the bulk candy aisle.
There I stood, minding my own business, just tryin' to get some candy, when I realized the lady next to me with the Prada purse was stealing candy. STEALING CANDY. She was a total soccer mom; dressed in a soccer skirt and tennies that most likely cost more than the monthly payment on my house.
I looked at her, she looked at me, fudge balls in hand, poised to put them in her purse, and then she suddenly became very interested in the jelly belly sours to her left.
This chick belonged on Oprah. You know, "Millionaire Housewives who shoplift for fun..."
So, anyway, I really wanted to say to her, "Five finger discount, right?"
"Shoplifting candy? Really?"
"Did you know that if you sold that purse on Craigslist you could probably afford the candy?"
but instead I turned tail to find my friend and yelled at her, "Hey, Katie! The world has gone nuts when people are stealing candy from Target!"
That was oddly satisfying, because the lady left, tail-under-legs, and I could choose my Jelly Belly soda-flavored jelly beans in peace.