10. Don't forget to put up the scissors.

9. Don't forget to hear your son screaming, think it's only a bloody nose, then recoil in horror when you wipe at the little appendage and realize that the bottom part of it is no longer attached to his face. Actually, if you remember correctly, the words you used were, "Oh my God! What happened to your face?!"

8. Way to keep your cool.

7. Don't drive to the wrong ER, and especially, don't almost drive the wrong way down a one-way street so that two maintenance men on the side of the road have to do jumping jacks to get you to not make that error.

6. Don't spend 5 hours waiting, imagining yourself explaining exactly what happened to the ER staff as your son is introduced to his new foster family.

5. Don't forget the forensic evidence. They will bag it for you, and most likely use it as evidence against you in court:




4. Don't laugh when the ER nurse tells you that your son looks like Gary Busey's mug shot as he is waking up from anesthesia.

3. Don't be ashamed to tell the cosmetic surgeon that no, you will most definitely not be going to the cafeteria, thankyouverymuch, because you want to document his work for your blog:




2. Don't forget to remember just how much you love this little man. Seeing him hurt makes you realize once again that you'd do anything to make his little world all right.




2. Oh - one other thing. He will most likely never let you live this down.

1. Come on, you know yourself. You'd feel guilty for the rest of your life if he did.