I hope someone out there does this, too. If you don't, don't TELL me you don't, because I guess I just plain don't want to hear it.
Do you ever follow blog comments around the internet to different blogs?
And then you land on this or that blog and you feel like someone just stabbed you in the heart?
I clicked and clicked until I came upon a blog where the author has 4 perfect little boys, and 2 perfect little twin girls, just born. And I couldn't help but read and read.
And then I started feeling not-nice things, and I wanted to post a nasty comment about how not everyone's life can be just that perfect. Babies born perfectly healthy and on time, no missing organs or miscarriages.
I can't be the only person in the universe who feels this jealousy.
I guess you can say I am a complainer or that I am not thankful for what I have, but if you say that, you must not read much of my blog.
I don't like the internet sometimes. Instead of me, 8 years old, on the playground, watching my friend with her new Cabbage Patch lunchbox and feeling jealous, it's now me, 29 years old, reading some other mom's blog and feeling jealous.
It's all human emotion. The viscera and raw edge that lands like an arrow, black and wrong, right inside my heart.
I need some convicting, Jesus.
And I don't like the internet sometimes.