Friday, October 17, 2008

el hotel

So we're in my parents' 2006 Honda Odyssey coming to Minneapolis and we're in rush hour traffic. I have an aneurysm every time my father drives, because he always looks as though he's ready to be done with his mortal coil. Either that or he's a psychopathic owl, unable to figure out which eye to keep open.

We're in rush hour traffic, yes, I mentioned that, and suddenly he slams on his brakes, narrowly missing the car behind us. The car behind us nestled its front unapologetically underneath our bumper. The man in the car behind us emerged, looking much like Bin Laden in a wife beater. My dad was so mad - he exchanged information with Bin Laden. Then, BL decided he wasn't so keen on this 65 year old man all up in his face, so he threw a punch. My dad fell back against the car. The kids were screaming. My dad punches back, and then Bin Laden pulls out a pistol.

Ok, that didn't really happen, but wouldn't it have been an exciting story if it did?

We got rear-ended, and the guy was really nice, and my dad was nice to him. And that doesn't really make for a bloggarific story.

As an aside, the cop looked like Michael Scofield from Prison Break. Doesn't that count for something?

I am currently in room 471 at a hotel in Minneapolis. If you are a stalker, don't bother. There are lots of hotels in Minneapolis. You might be able to find us, though, even if you are nearly deaf, because my children are so excited to be out of the car and are concurrently running around the room like two year olds who just discovered a stash of rock-hard Pixie sticks behind the front desk. I couldn't figure out how to get online, so I called the support guy. I was on the verge of asking him when he was going to hang himself - after his shift or right after breakfast. BORING JOB.

Damn, y'all, this room is niiiiice. Mind you, this is coming from someone who drives a car behind the wheel of which Bea Arthur wouldn't be caught dead. My dad just bought me and the kids room service for the same amount of money I spend on groceries in a week. It's a moderate-range prized hotel, but there are down comforters and everything looks new. Well, it did, before Asher got his dirty little mitts on it. Lucy is "dressing Brothy up like My Little Pony" and he is laughing right along. If dressing your brother up in a bath towel and leaving your mother room to play on the computer is how you do it, be my guest, little girl.

I was all set on having her be a princess for Halloween, because then she could use the costume for dress up. Of course her preschool is having an "ark party", which means that she has to dress up like an inch worm or some other animal. We've settled on a bee, because you can get costumes SUPER cheap at St. Jude's Children's Hospital. Check it out! All profits go to cancer research and care for kids with cancer.

I try to stick to 1500 calories a day to maintain my current weight. Oh, sometimes it's fun not to count. Let's break down what I've eaten, just tonight.

1 large butterscotch shake
3 slices of very, very greasy pepperoni pizza
1 large caesar salad
1 Diet Coke (what's the point?)
a few Andes mints to round out the night

Time to lounge about and imagine Scott doing nothing but eating Chipotle and watching football for 72 solid hours.

I am excited to see how Lu responds to the bride tomorrow. She is so in love with the princess thing and the bride has red hair. Maybe she will think she is under the sea and Ursula, Flotsam and Jetsam are right around the corner?

I may have to bring an extra colostomy bag.


Ruhiyyih Rose said...

LOL! What a great post! I like your diet it sounds sooo yummy :) So sorry about the fender bender but I am glad that it was not the original story :) Enjoy that pampering room service while you can. I hope today is awesome, take pics! :)

Anonymouse said...

The minivan. Oh, how nice that your parents have a minivan so that you could all go in one vehicle...

K D said...

You crack me up!!!

Thanks for the smiles.

Sorry about the wreck. You really had me going on the original story until the gun. :)

If Lucy wants to, we should take pictures of her and Kelsey as bees! That is what Kelsey is going to be too or maybe a hand-me-down clown with daddy, but we already have the bee costume too! (I bought it on clearance last year!)

Maybe we should trick or treat with you guys and then I can use Kelsey to get some candy! ;) HA!

Joy said...

I was shocked that your dad would act like that....good story! :)

Rebecca Batey Fradin said...

Oh you stinker!!! You had me going. Stinker!!!

Enjoy the vay-cay,

Nate Nelson said...

So yeah...The next time you guys are in the Minneapolis area...Let us know..We live 60 miles away! Funny thing is I was just in a fender bender today. People just don't pay attention, so now my work truck doesn't have a rear bumper. I hope all is well with you guys down there. Take care.

Jennifer F. said...

Love the diet! I need to try that. :) Also, I have to ask: do you like your parents' Odyssey? I'm sorry to hijack this post with car talk, but I'm not sure our current minivan is big enough and I'm mentally car shopping (there are dealerships that will take Monopoly money, right? I should be all set then).

Thanks for your kind comment at my place, BTW!