Tuesday, March 25, 2008

and they say it isn't a job...

I remember so vividly being near the end of a babysitting gig and thinking to myself, "Thank GOD their parents are coming home!"


3:30 AM Lucy wakes, apparently her stuffed fish pillow is not to her liking. I tell her that is something she is going to have to just deal with, and screams of anger ensue. We hear demands of, "SCRITCH MY HEAD! SCRITCH MY HEAD!", so Scott goes in there, lackey that he is, and scritches her angry little head. He is almost free and clear, out of her room, when Asher wakes up and wonders where I am. I nurse him; we both go back to sleep.

5:30 AM Lucy screaming; complains she has an "owie". The entire lower half of her body (I suppose that would be her legs) is off of the bed. I put her back on.

5:45 AM Asher up for the day.

6:00 AM Lucy demands macaroni and cheese for breakfast. I hem, she haws, we settled on toast with honey. The honey is not at 10 o'clock on the plate, as she likes. Asher smears his banana on the wall.

7:00 AM Lucy shuts the door on Asher's fingers. He screams.

7:15 AM Lucy shuts the door on Asher's fingers. He screams.

7:30 I clean up the kitchen; shuffle her toward the electronic babysitter - sippy cup in hand (Both Scott and the dentist agree that she's 3, and too old for her Dora sippy. They obviously don't stay home with her all day.)

8:00 Lucy shuts the door on Asher's fingers. He screams.

8:30 I tell Lucy if she does that one more time, she will be in time out. She does it again 10 minutes later. Asher screams.

9:00 - 10:45 Laundry; Asher follows me around the house, asking to be picked up. He cries when ever I set him down.

10:45 We head up to the elementary school to get Lucy screened for preschool. Asher throws a tantrum over not being able to have the entire bag of animal crackers. Everyone looks at me with googly eyes. I keep trying to fill out the paper work but am interrupted multiple times by different women asking me to answer lame questions.

11:15 One of the teachers doing the screening comes to me and says she needs my help. We go into the audiology room and Lucy is sobbing. She is terrified that she is having more surgery and will not let the audiologist anywhere near her. We will have to go back to finish the testing.

11:30 Asher and Lucy melt down on the way home; macaroni and cheese and bananas and whole milk for lunch. I clean up their lunch as they fight over the junk mail.

11:45 Asher squirts KY Jelly all over the living room rug.

12:00 I inform Lucy she will be taking a nap today in 15 minutes.
Screaming ensues.

12:15 Lay both kids down for a nap; hear them giggling and playing, then Asher screaming. Go in their room; Lucy is trying to pull Asher out of his crib. His leg is stuck in the bars and he is unamused.

12:30 Bring Lucy to lay in our bed; read her a Biscuit book, tell her she needs to sleep.

12:45 Lay on the couch, try to sleep while the kids moan.

1:00 Check on Lucy; she's emptied the contents of my 64 ounce jug of water all over the floor. I turn into that kid from the Exorcist and send her to time out.

1:05 Send her back to bed after cleaning up the water; check on Asher. The room smells like a dinosaur just took a dump, I clean the poop off of his diaper and his back, lay him back down. More screaming, this time snot coming out of his nose.

1:10 Try to go back to sleep on the couch; hear more screaming.

1:15 - 3:00 Lucy and Asher complete their audition tape for the Jerry Springer show, then Lucy starts in with washing her hands and getting water everywhere. Asher tries to join in.

3:00 I inform the kids we will be walking to Target.

3:30 Arrive at Target; Lucy falls asleep in the front of the stroller and Asher begins to scream. We receive disapproving looks from old ladies and young ones alike.

3:45 Open a pack of marshmallow bunnies we have yet to pay for; Asher happily munches on one as chocolate streams down his chin. He is truly looking trashy at this point. I mentally thank God that I have not encountered anyone I know.

3:45 Hear, "Rachel! Hey!", as I see a friend and her kids. Thank God for his sense of humor.

4:00 We walk back from Target, I start dinner. Lucy refuses to come inside; asks me, "Mama, can I just run around the yard while you go inside?"

4:15 I begin making dinner; wonder why I bought Lucy that Cars step stool, as she runs in the kitchen with a half-empty travel-size tube of toothpaste. She grins at me with blue gunk hanging off of her teeth and happily exclaims, "Mama! Look at my princess teeth!"

4:30 Lucy and Asher play. Lucy takes Asher's toy. Asher screams.

4:45 I realize I forgot to get aluminum foil; borrow some from the neighbor.

5:00 Ask Lucy to please move so I can cook at the kitchen sink.

5:15 Wonder why the house is a disaster.

5:55 Finish this blog post and wonder if Scott will wonder what I've been doing all day.


anonymouseandcheese said...

My day was relatively quiet. I would trade you, but I'm sure you wouldn't want to.

Laura said...

Holy cow.

Chels said...

I'm really dying laughing right now. I can seriously relate. I just got done trying to feed Aiden while raleigh started yelling her belly hurt (she was eating) which means poop....so I darted over to put Aiden somewhere so I could wipe the pound and a half of sweet potato off her face and get her to the potty before dora has poop on her (crying happens if Dora gets poop on her)....then Aiden was screaming and Raleigh wouldn't let me take her off the potty. Then I picked up Aiden and he threw up on me. LOVELY! LOL....see, you aren't alone! That's just a small segment of my day.

Lucy and Asher are TOO cute!
Someday when they are grown up, you'll miss this...at least that's what my mom tells me!

Seraphim said...

Can I ask an honest question without inciting a riot?

How is timeout working for you? (no sarcasm)

Chels said...

How do you get a 3 year old to stay put for time out? If I could get Raleigh to hold still, I'd try it, but she'd just get up and run around and make me more angry than I was when I put her there....

DO you have success with this?

Rach said...

And they seemed like such *sweet* kids...;o)

Sounds like my days during the summer. I have these misty dreams of being a SAHM, and yet, I *KNOW* my days would be what you have written. The thing about being a full-time Mommy is that you are a FULL-TIME MOMMY! You get no break and you ALL have my undying respect and admiration.

Kiki@Seagulls in the Parking Lot said...

That is too hilarious. I wonder if our moms had days like that?

GLouise said...

This is hilarious! I am especially laughing at what happened at 11:45.

What a day!

delphi said...

YES! I love this!!!

marcia said...

To all of you young things out there:
Yes, your Moms did have days like this! It's called "paybacks" and they are all smiling and nodding and saying things like "Sure is fun to see my daughter figure out this whole motherhood thing! I am so in awe of all the things she seems to be doing better than I could have ever dreamed of doing!"
Go with the flow, Rach! Some days all you can do is just love 'em through it...and try to get some more sleep the next night....or the next....or the next... Wanting to act on the impulse to bang their heads together is probably not your best choice of technique! My almost-92-year-old MIL, still laughs at all the walks she took around the block while raising HER four...to keep from either losing her sanity or gravely injuring one or more of them!

kate said...

Your day is missing a key feature of my day -- the constant picking up of randomly-distributed choking-sized pieces of paper. From this i deduce that you have not yet been foolish enough to allow Lucy to have a pair of scissors...


Alisa said...


Anonymous said...

I was amused by your blog but am wondering if you ever actually put Lucy in time out?? Seems she is doing some serious bullying and not necessarily getting a sufficient consequence?

Adam's Mom said...

I have a headache! I am sooooo NOT ready to deal with two kids on my own!