I remember so vividly being near the end of a babysitting gig and thinking to myself, "Thank GOD their parents are coming home!"
3:30 AM Lucy wakes, apparently her stuffed fish pillow is not to her liking. I tell her that is something she is going to have to just deal with, and screams of anger ensue. We hear demands of, "SCRITCH MY HEAD! SCRITCH MY HEAD!", so Scott goes in there, lackey that he is, and scritches her angry little head. He is almost free and clear, out of her room, when Asher wakes up and wonders where I am. I nurse him; we both go back to sleep.
5:30 AM Lucy screaming; complains she has an "owie". The entire lower half of her body (I suppose that would be her legs) is off of the bed. I put her back on.
5:45 AM Asher up for the day.
6:00 AM Lucy demands macaroni and cheese for breakfast. I hem, she haws, we settled on toast with honey. The honey is not at 10 o'clock on the plate, as she likes. Asher smears his banana on the wall.
7:00 AM Lucy shuts the door on Asher's fingers. He screams.
7:15 AM Lucy shuts the door on Asher's fingers. He screams.
7:30 I clean up the kitchen; shuffle her toward the electronic babysitter - sippy cup in hand (Both Scott and the dentist agree that she's 3, and too old for her Dora sippy. They obviously don't stay home with her all day.)
8:00 Lucy shuts the door on Asher's fingers. He screams.
8:30 I tell Lucy if she does that one more time, she will be in time out. She does it again 10 minutes later. Asher screams.
9:00 - 10:45 Laundry; Asher follows me around the house, asking to be picked up. He cries when ever I set him down.
10:45 We head up to the elementary school to get Lucy screened for preschool. Asher throws a tantrum over not being able to have the entire bag of animal crackers. Everyone looks at me with googly eyes. I keep trying to fill out the paper work but am interrupted multiple times by different women asking me to answer lame questions.
11:15 One of the teachers doing the screening comes to me and says she needs my help. We go into the audiology room and Lucy is sobbing. She is terrified that she is having more surgery and will not let the audiologist anywhere near her. We will have to go back to finish the testing.
11:30 Asher and Lucy melt down on the way home; macaroni and cheese and bananas and whole milk for lunch. I clean up their lunch as they fight over the junk mail.
11:45 Asher squirts KY Jelly all over the living room rug.
12:00 I inform Lucy she will be taking a nap today in 15 minutes.
12:15 Lay both kids down for a nap; hear them giggling and playing, then Asher screaming. Go in their room; Lucy is trying to pull Asher out of his crib. His leg is stuck in the bars and he is unamused.
12:30 Bring Lucy to lay in our bed; read her a Biscuit book, tell her she needs to sleep.
12:45 Lay on the couch, try to sleep while the kids moan.
1:00 Check on Lucy; she's emptied the contents of my 64 ounce jug of water all over the floor. I turn into that kid from the Exorcist and send her to time out.
1:05 Send her back to bed after cleaning up the water; check on Asher. The room smells like a dinosaur just took a dump, I clean the poop off of his diaper and his back, lay him back down. More screaming, this time snot coming out of his nose.
1:10 Try to go back to sleep on the couch; hear more screaming.
1:15 - 3:00 Lucy and Asher complete their audition tape for the Jerry Springer show, then Lucy starts in with washing her hands and getting water everywhere. Asher tries to join in.
3:00 I inform the kids we will be walking to Target.
3:30 Arrive at Target; Lucy falls asleep in the front of the stroller and Asher begins to scream. We receive disapproving looks from old ladies and young ones alike.
3:45 Open a pack of marshmallow bunnies we have yet to pay for; Asher happily munches on one as chocolate streams down his chin. He is truly looking trashy at this point. I mentally thank God that I have not encountered anyone I know.
3:45 Hear, "Rachel! Hey!", as I see a friend and her kids. Thank God for his sense of humor.
4:00 We walk back from Target, I start dinner. Lucy refuses to come inside; asks me, "Mama, can I just run around the yard while you go inside?"
4:15 I begin making dinner; wonder why I bought Lucy that Cars step stool, as she runs in the kitchen with a half-empty travel-size tube of toothpaste. She grins at me with blue gunk hanging off of her teeth and happily exclaims, "Mama! Look at my princess teeth!"
4:30 Lucy and Asher play. Lucy takes Asher's toy. Asher screams.
4:45 I realize I forgot to get aluminum foil; borrow some from the neighbor.
5:00 Ask Lucy to please move so I can cook at the kitchen sink.
5:15 Wonder why the house is a disaster.
5:55 Finish this blog post and wonder if Scott will wonder what I've been doing all day.